Slowly...

Coming back to His feet. Slowly understanding His grace. No song lyrics today, just thoughts. Just me and the Father. I feel like all that has been happening is undeserved, like He's hinting to me that He's still got it all in His hands and will bless even if to get my attention. I praise Him. For Jeremy being ok from his wreck. For letting the band do good things. For letting me feel better. For getting our money situation in line. And I ask His forgiveness for not thanking Him until now. Praise Him for the family that we need and for the grace we need more. Praise Him for the earthly man of mine who helps me be a better person.

My King, help me to breathe. You supply the breath. Praise you, Savior.

Recently...

Miserable Exaggeration by John Reuben

Inconsistent my feeling change quicker than
I can get the words out
And tell you what I’m thinking
Inconsistent I don’t have much grace or patience
I hold this grudge and my tongue no further statements
It plays out in my mind
All the lost words I could have used to describe
And even though it’s left such a bad taste in my mouth
I guess I’d rather swallow my pride than spit it out
Failure cuts the spirit to hear
That’s why I have to let my pride interfere
I’ll take it from there
If you see me acting differently
Don’t worry
That’s just me dialoging with me internally
About the hypothetical over-analytical
Still what do I know
Central Ohio’s grey skies provide a lot of time to be stuck inside
Close the world out
Introvert's paradise
It’s that wishy washy topsy turvy monotony
I’ve been here before both emotionally and logically
You know that you know until the wind blows
It’s as easy as no and as hard as no
People-pleasers never win
Spread yourself too thin
It’s best to just do what you feel in the end
But you’ll change how you feel for the sake of the truth
When the world you’re living in becomes bigger than you

What a miserable exaggeration

Happier said than done

What a wasted conversation

In my head everyone was interested

Everyone was listening

Fragile: Handle with care

Jeremy was in a wreck. Here's the story:


1:15 am - early wednesday morning.so i'm driving home from playing cards with j-mak. i'm going north on 75 and there's hardly anyone else on the road. i'm in the left lane and there's an 18 wheeler a few hundred feet ahead of me, one lane over. no big deal. i'm going about 5 mph faster than he is, so i'll be passing him in a few seconds. no one else around that i can tell.then this dark streak comes whizzing by on the right, passing in front of me and heading into my lane. some guy on a motorcycle, easily going over 100 mph. he's trying to dart behind this rig into my lane, and he's going crazy fast. well he doesn't cut fast enough. his bike slams into the back of the 18 wheeler, right on the left rear tire and his bike just explodes into pieces. as soon as he hits the truck, its like a grenade went off. a ball of smoke and debris. pieces start flying to the left, into my lane, cuz of the angle he was taking. i'm going 70 mph and dodging pieces of this guy's bike in the left lane while trying to avoid hitting the truck on my right and the center wall on my left.eventually i see whats left of his bike hit the ground in front of my car, and its just a charred shell of a motorcycle by now. the rider is nowhere in site, and for all i know i'd already run him over amidst all the chaos. the bike bounces off the pavement and lands on the hood of my car, right above my right headlight and bounces off again, coming to rest in the 2nd left lane and just burning like rubble. oil from the bike sprayed all over my windshield, a clear/green color.

this is what your car looks like after a motorcycle falls on it out of the sky.
i finally get a hold of my car's steering again (i'd been swerving all over the left lane and the median) and pull off to the side, and i'm just shocked. i've never seen anything like this. it was like those crashes you see on insane tv shows. the speed this guy was moving at, it looked like a rocket had been launched at the truck. i knew as soon as it happened he was gone. there's no way he was gonna survive. people behind us said they found him about 300 feet from where his bike landed, next to the median, almost impossible to see from the road.

eventually my battery went dead from the impact. my flashers went out and i couldn't start my car, even to roll my window up.
well i got to spend the next 3 hours out there talking to police and getting my car towed home. i was tired, i was starving, my adrenaline was kicked in and i felt shaky in my legs. its hard to believe it still happened. my words don't do the crash any justice at all. it was just one of the most unbelieveable sights i have ever seen.... ever.

a few feet more and that bike would have been riding shot gun.
the thing i still feel pretty bad about is i never heard anything about the rider. i knew he was dead as soon as it happened, he had to be. but i never found out his name or anything about him. and no one will know what he was thinking when it happened or why he was doing it. its sad.