nothing.

I'm not a people person. I cant start conversation. I don't look as cool as you. I cant pull off new trends. I really do hate it when you talk over me. I haven't sent out my wedding thank yous. I have the lowest self esteem ever. I don't think that you like me. I cant be myself cause everyone else is cooler than that. I feel stupid. I cry a lot. I'm sitting here at my desk, wishing I was the sunshine, cause it would make me feel better about who I was. When someone asks me what I do for fun I genuinely cant think of an answer. I always feel like I've failed.

Ok, I know this is just how I'm feeling right now. I'm not completely destressed. Just overwhelmed today. I could definitely spend the rest of my night hiding. But I still wanna be the sunshine.

Anniversary

Today Jesus and I are celebrating our 8 year anniversary. Its been easier for Him than it has for me. Sometimes I forget that we are together and find myself wandering hopelessly. But then He finds me, forgives me and loves me still. Its been a hard yet wonderful 8 years.

still not...

Ok. We're not ok. I'm not ok. We've been missing church for a long time cause of gas prices. I miss the family. I hate it. Our schedule is all messed up. I just wish I could be at 'that place' but 'that place' will never come if I dont try. If I dont come to His feet and give up.

I dont know what to do. I get so distracted by the day and we just sit on the couch and watch movies. We have so many shows, we cant go to church on Saturday nights. I miss my girls. I miss the Father.

I'm gonna go drink some tea. And ponder the King.